Over the weekend, Congressman (and our Worst Texan dishonorable mention of 2014) Louis Gohmert threw his tin foil hat into the ring to challenge House Speaker John Boehner for the top spot in House GOP leadership. Luckily, Gohmert's bid is a long shot, so we don't really have to worry about the havoc he would wreak as Speaker: his Never-Neverland plan spans from "abolishing at least two-thirds of regulations" to defunding “everything that means anything” to President Obama. 

But in the interest of good ol' fashioned, don't-feed-the-animals, let's-go-to-the-circus fun, we've put together a dossier featuring the laughably unqualified, wanna-be Speaker Louie Gohmert's greatest hits.

The world according to Gohmert:

Central American gang violence is a hoax. Child immigrants are lying.

Terrorist organizations send pregnant women to America to spawn natural-born "terror babies."

Kids don't need sex education because...something about the laws of nature and the Soviet Union?

Ebola infected nurses are evidence of the Democrats’ war on women.

Marriage equality will lead our "country down the road to the dustbin of history" because...something about not being smart and Solomon.

But do not cast aspersions on his asparagus.